What’s Life Without Happiness?

Thoughts weighing heavy on my conscience 

And the stress of life slowly eating away at me

I wanted to just escape 

I found myself a quiet place 

I switched off every other sense

I sat down and I just listened.

I let the harmonious musical instruments of nature take me away.

The air moving in and out as I took each breath.

The rustling of leaves as they fell to the earth.

The whispers of the wind as it gushed by.

This annoying buzzing made by a nearby fly.

I even took notice of the internal sensations.

My body’s loud but silent wonders.

The sound of my beating heart.

The butterflies I sometimes feel in my gut.

The silent thumps of my feelings bouncing around in my mind.

I still didn’t have the answers I wanted but I got up with a smile.

I realized without happiness it wouldn’t be life.

Tee

Advertisements

Chronicles Of Temporary Disability 

  

So here we are exactly 421 days later. I’ve been keeping count of every single day (Well let’s face if you were me you’d probably count too). 

The accident still haunts me in my dreams but I actually don’t mind it as I used too. Don’t let the picture fool you things are still far from done but I try not let temporary setbacks make me lose view of the bigger picture (whatever the “bigger picture” may be). 

It hasn’t been coffee and roses or even a typical African house without cockroaches it’s been a journey and a half. Well it’s actually been more of roller coaster ride. They’re the momentary triumphs, the spates of anger and times of sadness but never a dull moment really. Those who tell you it all gets easier are liars, same goes with those that tell you you get stronger. In fact all cliches are to be ignored, their absolute rubbish. If you’re going through something trying and you’re quoted a cliche by someone, simply block that person give them some time to reflect on the stupidity of their actions. In true essence a hardship only reveals who you are within and triumph only comes when you accept things as they are not all this other bullshit. Almost everyday I find myself reflecting on what went wrong? What could I have done differently? But I come to the realization that, that shit doesn’t matter because what’s done is done. You can’t turn back the hands of time. 

I used to think there was nothing worse than death but life proved me wrong. They’re things far far worse on earth than in the after life. Imagine being alone in the lounge and it’s kick off time. You’re online on your Twitter so you see the football tweets flood the timeline, the Tv remote being a mere metre away from you yet you can’t reach it (The intelligence departments could adapt this as a torture technique). Anyways my life has literally come to being indoors or being at therapy. I don’t really mind though I’ve always hated people. So I now just mainly indulge in writing, catching a good movie and squeezing in a few reads (Mainly blogs I take ages to finish a book). At times writing feels talking to yourself on paper, which is actually good because it’s not as awkward when someone catches you. It actually amazed me that people think I’m good writer, I mean almost anyone can put words on paper.

Well I accept my compliments with the utmost humility that way they keep on coming. Though I’d rather be offered money than compliments (I know countless bloggers feel the same way lol). But I feel I’m now mostly doing things because it’s what’s there, I really couldn’t care less. Getting drunk  is currently the epitome of all things I want to achieve in my life right now. Being sober was never tailored for me plus I’m in dire need of an escape. Maybe I should invest my energy in a girlfriend but that would involve emotions and feelings which hardly leads to anything good. Well in life their a few things you can count on. You can count on the religious to tell you God has a plan for your life, the alcoholics to tell you alcohol is the answer and you can undoubtedly count on bacon to go with everything. I’m sorry if you don’t eat pork I’m yet to come up with the Halal version of that statement.

-The End

The Mirror 

 

Staring at the mirror talking to myself, hoping I would hear the voice of my reflection.

I looked into my own eyes and saw a lost soul, drifting in whatever direction the wind was taking it.

I was hoping for a miracle, an epiphany or even just a brand new perception of life.

I tried to break out a smile but it took so much out of me, my lips just sagged back into a frown.

My motivation to keep pushing on was lost, I told myself really think about it, close your eyes try and have visions about it.

Was there a greater a plan, a bigger picture and a better life than the one we had, I highly doubted it.

I had lost my faith and when you lose your belief, you no longer have anything that carries you beyond the grief.

With my eyes bloodshot I punched the mirror with my bare knuckles and it shattered and I kept looking at myself on the broken pieces.

My hand was now bleeding and the pain was unbearable, I wanted to find the bottom of a whiskey bottle or a few hits of sweet maryjane.

But I realized the physical pain wasn’t as much as pain of losing my faith.

Tears began rushing down my cheeks, I cursed at mirror even though the mirror hadn’t done anything wrong.

The mirror had just made it possible for me to look at myself and I just hadn’t liked what I saw, what I had become, what I had let the evils of lucifer do to me.

I wiped of the tears, smiled and I apologized to the mirror, it made me realize that to give up is just giving up on yourself and to lose faith is just doubting the power of your actions.

The mirror had gotten me to take all my clothes off, it had seen me totally naked.

I don’t mean this literally but it’s a metaphor for how looking at the mirror I could truly see myself, I couldn’t hide behind any facades. 

The mirror showed me my own reflection so it wasn’t biased by it’s perception and it couldn’t make mistakes.

Tee

As I Wake Up 

It’s quite early in the morning,

I lay awake on my bed

Still feeling sleepy and constantly yawning.

I see creeping through my window;

Are the gentle rays of the morning sun,

Signaling to all a new day has just begun.

I look out and I see,

Beautiful birds up on the tree,

Happily chirping away, spring is here they sing.

To me their clearly as joyful as can be.

Then from out of nowhere;

My dog comes running,

And it suddenly starts barking right under the tree.

As the birds take off

I hear a not so distant whisper;

I also wish I could fly,

True love must be there it can’t be a lie,

My heart just wants the feeling of being up so high,

With this thought in my mind I see your image in the sky.

I scream out take me with you,

What you’ve heard is all true,

For your love without question anything I’m willing to do.

Then just as my words fade into the air,

Your image fades too,

And what was once so beautiful in the sky is back to plain blue.

Tee

LISA :)

She’s such a people pleaser
Once took me out for pizza
Beautiful like the leaning tower of Pisa
One of a kind from London to Ibiza
You just have to meet her

Like I’ve suddenly got back my sight
There’s a bright shinning light
Its now so crystal clear
A friend I hold so dear
Is that her voice I hear
For to my heart she’s always near
A girl that’s so sincere
Writing this I dropped a tear
Weather changed my joy turned to fear

Raindrops I started ducking
Some chickens went by clucking
My thumb I continued sucking
To know LISA I am lucky.