Another Breath

  
Sometimes the greatest bravery is in just

taking another breath.

Sometimes the greatest of stories

can remain untold.

For my shoes might also be 

the wrong size

But you could take a walk

in my thoughts 

Then maybe 

just maybe 

you could 

understand the view

from my side.

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Alive In The Night 

  
Restless are the city streets after dark.

The aroma of alcohol and smoke in the air.

There’s a tense yet secretive atmosphere.

The darkness gives life to a totally different city.

A city in which criminals shine and alive are vices of all kinds.

Appetites for whatever illegal activity are freely indulged.

Money and merchandise exchanged in the obscurity of dark alleys.

Shady characters in shady clothes.

Standing at shady street corners with seemingly shady poses.

Skin out in the open from those in skimpy clothes.

Sexual favours for purchase

The size of your wallet is your sinful limit.

It’s often best for your health to mind your business.

On the sidewalks the homeless toss and turn.

Trying to find a comfortable position on their cardboard beds. 

Groups of teenagers roam the streets.

Causing a ruckus and shouting out obscenities.

Often being found at the centre of things when violent bouts erupt.

The noticeable shock and horror, in almost everyone’s eyes when they spot a cop.

The joy this one young lady finds at his sight.

Well only this time because among all these characters she was walking alone.

This cycle of activities goes on and on hidden from people within their homes.

The sun comes up and all these things disappear.

Only waiting for night to fall again so they can reappear.

Another Nightmare 

  
The sunlight is creeping in through the gaps between the curtains, it’s finally morning. I’m struggling to find the strength to open my eyes. My head is pounding like a stone is bouncing around off the walls inside of my skull. There’s a ringing in my ears. I lazily start yawning, and as I try to lift my hands the blankets feel so heavy. 

It’s like a tonne of bricks is on top of me. Not that a tonne of bricks is heavier than a tonne of some other thing else but I’m just saying so you get the picture. I try to wiggle my legs but to no avail. My whole body is numb, it feels like it’s not even there. My vision is still blurry, to me this is all getting a bit too scary. I start to panic, my heart starts pounding, my breath gets shorter. It’s as if I’m drowning under water. I can finally see as my vision has cleared. I’m on my bed but I’m not in my room. I’m staring at four walls but there isn’t a door. Tears rush to my eyes, my vision gets blurry as the floodgates open. I’m slowly loosing hope as if it’s literally being ripped out of my hands, I just want my life to stop. I try screaming out but no sound comes out. 

My voice is silent. I’ve lost it all, no more will to push on, no motivation to keep fighting, no belief in a greater plan or belief in the notion that everything happens for a reason. 

I think to myself let me just end it, let me just find a razor and slit my wrists or bang my head on the wall till I bleed. Then all of a sudden everything slows down, I feel weak, I’m fading. I feel as if my soul is about to leave my body. My mind is filled with regret. If I only had got one more moment to thank my mum and tell her I love her, if I had only confessed to the love of my life my true emotions, if only.. If only…

Then all of a sudden like I’ve received a jolt of high voltage I wake up screaming, out of breath and in a pool of my own sweat. It hadn’t been real, it had only been just a dream. 

I smile. 

I’m alive. 

I’m not dying. 

I’m still surviving. 

I’m filled with so much joy, but as quickly as the smile came to my face it leaves. For my head starts pounding. I think back to the dream and I’m fear stricken but then I remember last night. The countless alcoholic drinks I had. I came home late. My friends convinced me to smoke cigarettes. So it was just a hangover, I was getting sober. It was going to be one hell of a hangover. So although in pain I smiled again. Joyful thoughts ran throughout my brain, but happiness never lasts for long. 

For a while you can brighten your mood by listening to a song but the problems always come back to your thoughts, your limiting circumstances and all the things you did wrong. I remember the misery that is my life and a part of me wishes in the dream I hadn’t survived. It might not be literal but I feel like I’m somehow living this nightmare. Life can be so depressing. So many cliche statements telling us to be alive is a blessing but I honestly can’t stop stressing. Even at God sometimes I curse. How can I be in so much pain if for me you only want the best?.

I take a deep breath and tell myself in the next day my problems will still be there. Even though dreams like this will keep giving me a scare. I smile once more, it’s for the third time. Not that I’m keeping score. I keep smiling as I pull my blankets up to sleep some more hoping as I sleep my blessings will continue to grow. A nightmare within a nightmare but I still have time to smile.

-The End

On Saturday last weekend, this mentally disturbed guy who always hangs out by the shopping centre close to my house came to me to have a conversation. He’s the type of person everyone calls crazy, I’ve called him crazy a couple of times myself. He has in depth conversations and loud arguments with himself but last he weekend he came to me and said, “I know people call me mad and sometimes I’m lost in what I’m doing but I remember the important things.” 

He told me he sees me and my struggles and he said that God sees and knows everything, he has my needs in his mind. He told he was proud of the progress I was making and he said everything comes and passes in life. I’ve just had one of the worst weeks but when I thought of his words I’ve never felt more blessed in my life.

This conversation went on and it was all good until he congratulated me on getting married and said he knew I had a beautiful wife. I had to contain my laughter at this point because I’m not even engaged in fact I don’t even have a girlfriend but nevertheless I welcome the blessings of finally finding my soulmate.

I hope you all had a bleesed week and if it had it’s struggles, next week is a new beginning. We’ll rise and fight again. Power to you and your battles. Laughter heals the soul.

  

PS: Someone told me when you picture people in black and white, you remove all distractions and you picture their souls. I think we all look better when we’re laughing or we’re dancing.

Outer Space Views

  
Let the shining stars

be our only audience 

As we slowly dance 

the winter night away 

perfectly leaving our

footprints 

on the lonely moon

and by my heart’s love

you find yourself consumed.

(Artwork credit: @muhammedsalah_)

Those Moments…

  

Sometimes…

my lips weigh heavy and I can’t curl them up into a smile.

Sometimes…

sleep eludes me and I can’t find it wherever it hides.

Sometimes…

I wonder is love supposed to be like that?

Sometimes…

the greatest wounds we have don’t actually bleed.

Sometimes…

life just doesn’t seem right

Sometimes…

the truth is I’m not okay but I choose to go with a lie

Sometimes…

I want to believe in hope and depression catches me by surprise.

Sometimes…

I wonder is it okay to be angry with God?

Sometimes…

I wonder if some answers we’ll ever know?

Sometimes…

just sometimes not all the time.

(Artwork credit: @muhammedsalah_)

The music within THE WIND

  
 
I went outside and sat against one of the walls of my house.

A soft wind blew yet it loudly rustled the leaves

I didn’t search for a deeper meaning or further understanding 

I sat there and just listened

I sat there and stared out at this green universe

I sat without a thought 

No problems and no hopes

It was as if nothing else in the world existed

No neighbours and no other places

It was just me and my yard.

It was just my eyes and the trees

It was just my ears and the rustling leaves 

It was all a little empty but a pleasant kind of hollowness

Ready to be filled with whatever beautiful things

But then the wind grew tired.

The leaves stopped singing 

The rest of creation suddenly revealed itself again.

The air remained stagnant as if waiting for my next breath.

There was this painful silence

But a silence that came with a lot of noise

Not the noise ears could hear.

But a noise the mind feared.

Thoughts and problems that never wanted to be clear.

Yet it was a noise that didn’t hold the futures secrets.

It was just a distraction.

One if you learnt to ignore then it was defeated.