Is it something we need to solve ourselves, a personal battle of sorts that we should go at alone. Let our inner angels battle our inner demons. Let our self believe fight our insecurities and conquer. So that like a Phoenix a new confident being will rise up from the ashes of this inner war. Or is it actually more a problem with society, I don’t know.
A girl found herself in hospital, in the emergency room to be exact. From there she was taken to an all white padded room with just a bed and four walls. A room in the psych ward. They thought “she was crazy” and that by itself was driving her crazy. In her mind she told herself she was conscious of her decisions not another delusional teenager who had suddenly turned into a street vagrant. “Why the fuck am I here?” She shouted.
Maybe I should go back a bit, to the beginning for this to make sense and maybe have you understanding my questions. It was six months before the day. The day she ended up in hospital. I don’t know if she was hearing an imaginary voice from behind the mirror or there was a voice within her head. A voice telling her she wasn’t enough, she didn’t fit in.
At a time before she had actually contemplated suicide. Held a blade to her wrist. Tried to cut into the vein yet by some chance or intervention of the divine she had found herself weak. The blade had dropped from her hand and sanity had reigned over her, causing her to choose to die another day.
Tears filled her eyes as she looked at her bed, staring at her favourite pair of jeans that was now a size too small. Succumbing to her own insecurities or the pressures of society, in that moment she made a decision. It was fit in to the worlds standards or die trying. All that self love speech she had heard before but she was in love with the image she was told was perfect.
Oh how our double standards hurt those who are virtually invisible to us. They hear us praise all of God’s creation yet the criticism is what they take to heart.
Six months down the line from her drastic decision. On a strict diet of starvation and diet pills alongside mineral water. Things finally took their toll. Her body revolted. It shutdown. It gave up. Alone in the house she was only found an hour later, unconscious but still breathing. The ambulance was called and I guess you know the story from there on.
Now outside her room in the hospital lobby waiting for the time to visit her. Her family, her friends and even acquaintances. People are trying to understand what was her problem? Or what still is her problem?
But are we all just blind to the effects of our opinions. Causing pain and things worse yet carrying on as if it’s everyone else who has issues. It seems like things are no longer just a matter of personal strength but a need to find a cure for this decay of society.