A sudden moment of lucid thought.
As if I’ve regained consciousness from a deep sleep or even a coma.
But instead of being bed ridden I had been drifting around on auto pilot.
Making decisions from other people’s influence
Moving with tide
Further and further away from the beaches of the ocean
Only just managing to stay afloat
As I struggle with my feet to find by chance a rock to step on
To find some calm and collect my thoughts.
Yet I’m only finding myself surrounded by the unknown
And with every breath I take I ingest an intoxicant
That has a piece of me fading away as I exhale.
When something finally brushes my leg.
I grab it
It’s the end of a rope
A rope I realize is anchored to be bottom.
I pull on it and dive in to were it leads.
Even when something seems like suicide curiosity gets the better of me.
I finally reached the bottom to find caught in between rocks
A dead end I had forced myself to believe was hopeful.
I try to get back to the waters surface but I’m all out of oxygen
Only then do I finally stand up straight and see the water only reaching my knees.
And I realize I’ve been drowning in my own thoughts and fears.
The fear of letting the world consume my identity
And have me as just another face in the crowd.