Firstly I’d like to start by clearing the air about the title. If you’re as dumb as half the people in government in my country you probably googled the title. So by now reading this you’re probably already planning to comment “I googled Democratic Republic Of Lost And Found and there’s no such country.” My heart bleeds for you if you did this.
Because well the jokes on you, the country is actually Zimbabwe. For the few tourists who’ve visited it they probably remember it for Victoria Falls one of the beautiful seven wonders of the world. But to others we’re better known as the country with the black people that forcibly took back their land. I know for a moment there black people everywhere were immensely proud of us but now they sing a different song. This is not a direct quote but what they’re saying goes a little like this, “Congrats on the land and well sorry about the hunger. We don’t have land ourselves but at least we’re not dying of starvation.”
So back to my choice of title, it’s actually extremely relevant and let me explain why. You see Zimbabwe is like that jersey full of patches in the lost and found box. Winters come and go but no one even bothers to steal it they just leave it. The teachers and the principal for some reason sentimental or otherwise just can’t stand to put it out of it’s misery and throw it away. If you ask anyone they’ll tell you ever since they’ve been at that school the jersey full of patches has just been there. Hence why I named Zimbabwe the Democratic Republic Of Lost And Found. Before you ask me this let me stop you right there, I do not know who the teachers or principals are and neither do I know where this school is located because I know the Zimbabwean winter is coming and some of you guys need jerseys.
Anyways I know looking at the picture up there you’re thinking to yourself things surely can’t be that bad. Well they are! The picture (I know it’s beautiful) is of the capital city Harare, just after the intersection of third street and Jason Moyo Road to be precise. That is probably one of the only good handful of roads left in the whole city. The rest resemble an obstacle course, you have to have a defensive driving certificate for your car to survive them. The beauty of that picture though is really owed up to the sun. I mean let’s face it the sun will give any Instagram filter a run for it’s money. I guess that’s why Harare is nicknamed the sunshine city because there’s pretty much nothing else good about it besides the sun.
So what’s been done in the past decade. I’ll give you the short story if I listed everything it would require more books than those contained in the bible. Plus the story would simply be too depressing to read all the way through. Even a none Zimbabwean would be inspired to commit suicide just a few pages into it. Anyways back to the short end of the story. Well we drove our economy into hyperinflation and it eventually crashed to a stand still. Overnight banks closed and people woke up with their bank accounts on zero. We had controversial elections, someone won but we ended up with an inclusive government. From there a multi currency system was adopted. It brought about a short period of stability. Then all hell broke loose, 2nd elections were held the conclusive government abolished, thousands lost their jobs “legally”, statutory rape was basically made legal and now we’re experiencing a cash crisis. I’m not making this up Zimbabwe really has gone through all these shit problems.
Now that cash crisis I spoke off; The Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe (RBZ) upon some backing of 200 million US dollars is issuing Bond notes as legal tender. First of all where did the money go? How do you tell us we deposited US dollars in our accounts but we’ll be withdrawing Bond notes. This is daylight robbery. What the Zimbabwean government has basically done is that; you go to someone who owes you money and you tell you want to use the money to buy something at the shops. The person grabs a piece of paper, writes down on it that they owe you $10 and tells to go to the shops and buy the stuff you need with it. Then they furthermore go on to say that when the supermarket wants it’s money in US dollar form tell them they can just bring that paper to me and I’ll give it to them. It’s an absolutely ridiculous solution.
People are basically being given hall passes in return for their money😫😫😫
Yeah it’s truly sad.. So our president in the not too distant past, on one occasion with one of his more famous speeches said, “Blair you keep your England and I’ll keep my Zimbabwe.” (Back then Tony Blair was the prime minister one of the predecessors of the controversial James Cameron who stuck his you know what in a dead pig’s mouth but that’s another story)
So I believe taking example from our president most Zimbabwean’s would want to say to the current Reserve Bank Governor Mr Mangudya, “Mangundya you keep your bond notes and we’ll keep our US dollars even if we have to constantly stand in lines at banks everyday to get them.”
Then what is the problem in Zimbabwe? A better question would be what’s not the problem? The saddest thing is in our governments eyes the solution seems to be create a different problem and pretend to solve as if to create a fake facade of progress.
I’ll leave you with a brief Q and A I had with a politician who’s name I’ll not name simply to make this article a bit more mysterious. He said he would answer my one question if I first answered his. Oh shit.. I said “He” I’ve given away to watch information about him. So let me rephrase “They said they would answer my one question if answered theirs.” There that maintains the mystery of his identity. The Conversation;
Politician (Who shall not be named) :You complain a lot about the economy, how about you give us a single viable solution to the problems?
Me :Ummmm.. How about you stop stealing from us and the national budget, I think that by far solve half our economic problems.
Me :How do you save a sinking ship?
Politician (Who shall not be named) :Easy, you simply start drinking the water.
Well farewell to you all and to Zimbabwean’s I hope you have a delicious economic crumble. Get it? Crumble? As in food, as in the dessert… If you didn’t get the joke don’t worry sooner or later it’ll sink in, just like our economy.
Discalmer; This was a rant and was not meant to give you any insight what so ever. I sadly won’t be able to be reached for comment I’ll be busy in a bank line trying to withdraw my money and go and hide it underneath my mattress at home. (If you have a bank account I suggest you do the same)
*And to all my devoted followers don’t worry regular blogging will resume shortly.