I woke up today early in the morning as always.
I was alive for another day, I felt grateful and blessed.
Why am I lying?
I truly didn’t.
Waking up actually felt like such a drag.
I honestly wanted to pass away in my sleep and be done with already.
Because it seems the longer you’re alive the more pain you go through in your life.
Well never mind my initial thoughts.
I decided to be positive or at least I tried to be.
It didn’t last for even a minute.
But then again I’ve always been a pessimist.
The more I tried to break out a smile the more my mind found reasons to frown.
I wondered why life had dealt me such a horrible hand.
Why I was the one to be constantly miserable and depressed?
I wanted to give back the cards so life could play alone it’s fucking game.
With my mind lost and my heart not even close to being in it, I went through the daily routine.
I did this I did that.
I put in all people expected from me.
I’d honestly rather do things I hate and keep my feelings reserved than express myself and suffer from people’s constant questions.
The hours slowly drew by as the pendulum of my thoughts
Swung from suicide to homicide
I hated feeling like this though.
The day ended and I immersed myself in the temporary relief of being home.
I’m going to go to sleep tonight hoping when I wake up things will be different but I know tomorrow will be just another today.
I’ve been down on my knees yet it seems this curse of depression is here stay.